Can I butter your Pop Porn?

Decades ago, porn star Andrea True did the unimaginable—she had a successful top 10 pop hit with the song “More, More, More.” Other than the fact that she was in a 1975 porn called Both Ways in which she played a woman married to a man who likes to have sex with other men, she just doesn’t pique my gay interest, so I’m fine with her being a one hit wonder. In the 90s, controversial porn star Traci Lords did the “singing” thing on a few techno tracks that climbed the Billboard dance charts. I bought them because I love techno. Nuff said.

It wasn’t until this past decade that male adult actors went from porn to pop. While I’m not a big fan of male vocals on dance songs in general, I sure am a fan of male bodies and male porn stars. So I dropped some money on the singles by these men, and was pleasantly surprised at what I heard, particularly from two particular men…and one of them went beyond the adult film business and got into the gay horror TV business!

But let’s start with Fredrick Ford.

fredrick ford

Quite honestly, with as much porn as I own and have watched, I’ve never seen any of Fredrick’s films. Chances are that’s because he’s a bit too lean and clean for my tastes. He also doesn’t make use of his porn clout to garner music fans—not much flesh exposure in his videos. I understand he wants to be taken seriously as an artist, but let’s face it…Madonna, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera…sex sells. Sadly, Fredrick’s singles didn’t. That doesn’t mean they aren’t good, especially when he’s put in the hands of remixers, so to speak.

First, Fredrick released a cover version of George Michael’s “Too Funky.” (For George, the sex performances came after the music career…). As much as I was obsessed with George, I was never a fan of this song. Until I heard Fredrick’s version. The CD single has house mixes by big club remixers like Georgie Porgie and Friscia and the Lamboy, but my favorite version is the slinky sexy original production by Giuseppe D.

1. FredrickFordTooFunky.mp3     

Fredrick’s second single, the original song “Turn My World Around,” is quite catchy and showcases Fredrick’s strong vocals—the tone of his voice reminds me of 80s freestyle singer Noel. And while the video might be entertaining, man is it GAY! It’s got flamboyant dancing, sparkly sets, lots of reflective wardrobe, and Fredrick singing in the center of a silk purple sheet!

Forget about the video. In fact, forget about the original mix. The mix you want to turn your attention to is the TNT mix, which replace the original’s bitch slap beat with an aggressive electro sucker punch.

2. FredrickFordTurnMyWorldAround.mp3     

After those two singles and a short EP called Dirty Little Secret, it appears the only other track Ford has released is from 2008, a very hot song called “Out of the Dark.” I think this is his strongest track. The video shows mostly clips of people just hanging out in New York City, but there’s some gay dancing at the end and there’s also a cameo by the cowboy from the Village People.

Now, let’s turn our attention to the more important Ford. Yes, ironically, the other porn to pop star of the past decade shares the same last name, but that’s about it. Sorry to disappoint feminists, but Colton Ford is concrete evidence that God is a man. This fury hunk has got to be like eight feet tall by eight inches long, and has a face and body chiseled out of stone—everyone would want to get a piece of that rock.

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But most importantly, there’s the bubble butt. Let’s just say, if Colton Ford was standing on the island of Manhattan, his butt would be in New Jersey. No need to take the bridge to get over the water. I guess you could walk across that ass to the other side, but chances are that if you just hop on that bubble butt, you’ll automatically bounce into Jersey…

colton ford b1

Starting with Colton’s horror career, he played the ridiculously sheriff on the gay horror TV show The Lair (I’d love him to shove his smoking gun in my mouth to get a confession out of me) after a very brief appearance in the gay slasher film Hellbent.

colton ford lairgun

I miss having him in horror…which is why the god-like character Regan in my Comfort Cove gay horror fiction series is Colton Ford in my head.

colton ford lair title

Colton started with a hard house tribal track called “Everything,” and man, this one isn’t even about his vocal ability—it’s about his ad-libbed porn grunts, groans, and dirty talk. Makes Donna Summer’s “Love to Love You Baby” sound like a church hymn. The way to get this track in its complete 9+ minute version is on the soundtrack to Naked Fame. What is Naked Fame, you ask? It is the documentary about Colton Ford’s attempt to go from porn star to legitimate recording artist. I have a copy of the DVD—in a drawer with all my Colton Ford porns (I have his entire dickography)…

colton ford naked fame

Colton also recorded a big club house version of Stevie Wonder’s “Signed, Sealed & Delivered,” as a duet with dance diva Pepper Mashay. When it was time for him to do some original music, he released a single called “The Way You Love Me.” The song in its original form is just not very interesting to me—and the video, while kind of sexy, comes across mostly as amateurish and low budget. It’s filmed in an alley! But there’s an alternate video that uses one of the remixes that actually makes the song more interesting:

“The Way You Love Me” eventually landed on a full length album entitled Tug of War, which features a mix of urban grooves, dance music, and ballads. There’s some pretty catchy stuff on the album, but there’s only one song I’d really listen to on a regular basis, and that is the incredibly HOT “That’s Me.” Conveniently, this song was also a single from the album. While there are numerous dance remixes of the song, you simply have to go with the original mix. It is a throwback to old skool 90s deep house—in fact, it’s pretty much a rip-off of the 1992 Murk classic “Some Lovin’” by Liberty City. That’s definitely a good thing. This is one hell of a sexy song that seriously should have scorched up the dance charts. And I thought this before I even saw the video…

3. LibertyCitySomeLovin.mp3     

I’m so glad that Colton embraced the power of his ASSets and his porn popularity (his naked fame, if you will) for this video, a blatant showcase for the absolute beauty of this man and essentially a solo beat-off video. Just prepare yourself for the bizarre rap in the middle of the video. No, that’s not Pitbull.

As far as I’m concerned, the song “That’s Me” and the accompanying video are all I ever need from Colton (along with all his porns, of course). He went on to record an album of cover versions after that. He does Sade, Babyface, Britney Spears, Faith No More, Nirvana, Alicia Keys, and several others. When he covers R.E.M. in this video, well, I lose my religion all night long.

“Losing My Religion” has never sounded or looked sexier (well, it never looked or sounded sexy at all, period). Personally, I think this cover version shows just how smooth and sensual Colton’s baritone voice is. No really. I mean it. I think so even when I close my eyes…

Colton’s dance masterpiece is his 2013 album The Way I Am. Aside from including a funky fantastic duet with club queen Ultra Naté, it spawned The Tom of Finland inspired video for “Let Me Live Again” is visual heaven….

…but the most amazing song on the album is the infectious “Look My Way.”

About Daniel

I am the author of the horror anthologies CLOSET MONSTERS: ZOMBIED OUT AND TALES OF GOTHROTICA and HORNY DEVILS, and the horror novels COMBUSTION and NO PLACE FOR LITTLE ONES. I am also the founder of BOYS, BEARS & SCARES, a facebook page for gay male horror fans! Check it out and like it at www.facebook.com/BoysBearsandScares.
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