Splatter University looks like one of those typical 80s VHS horror flix. You know the kind. Hot, macabre cover art but probably a piece of shit when you watch it. Okay, so it might even appear to be a piece of low budget garbage that reeks of the 80s when you first start watching it. But it’s seriously one of my favorite pieces of 80s slasher junk ever. And there are plenty of reasons it’s a must-see for 80s slasher completists.
- Someone escapes from a mental institution at the beginning…and stabs a doctor right in the crotch! WTF?
- It takes place at a Catholic university where all the students are immoral brats.
- One chick looks like Tiffany two years before Tiffany even existed. She also gets stabbed in the mouth.
- One chick looks like Cherrie Currie.
- I could go on with comparisons, but the point is, everyone looks the way they should in the early 80s.
- One priest, who looks like Dr. Cox from Scrubs, is banging one of his students.
- The film knows that when in doubt, throw in an 80s power pop song.
- The music score is trippy/warped horror music perfection.
- We never see the killer, so there’s no mask, but the killer POV is…well, killer. Oh…but there is a cheap scare prank with a stocking.
- While it feels like all the kills are going to be typical knife to the gut or slit throat followed by gushing blood, the kills eventually go for the guts.
- An old lady in the movie blames all the murders on the influence of horror movies.
- The teenagers’ constant banter is actually quite funny and loaded with sex and gay jokes: one guy tells his girl to kiss his ass cheek, and she replies, “I would if you shaved it”; one chick says her friend is mad at her boyfriend, to which a guy replies, “Why? Did he piss on her?; one guy tells another guy to kiss his ass, and the kissee replies, “You’d like that wouldn’t you?”; one guy offers to be another’s date and does the blow job/dick inside the cheek gesture.
- The “main girl,” a new teacher, who has come to the school to replace a teacher murdered in her classroom, is goodie goodie final girl perfection! And dang! She still looks great today.
But all those awesome elements of this cheap horror flick aside, what makes it stand out from the pack is a series of surprises at the end that I simply can’t mention here for it will totally spoil everything. And it’s killing me, because I so want to blurt it all out because it’s that delicious! So go watch the damn movie and then message me telling me how right I was about the insanity of the last few minutes of Splatter University.