Sometimes, marathons of lost 80s crap are a fresh change from the same old shit we’ve seen a million times. So I take on three more forgettable—I mean—forgotten films of the era!
INSEMINOID (aka: Horror Planet) (1981)
It’s another post-Alien sci-fi/horror flick. A group of scientists excavating on a faraway planet find a mysterious energy crystal formation—and after the usual “mission gone wrong” sequence, an alien creature attacks and a woman is inseminated by a doctor with a tube full of green stuff on a nice lab table…or is that just a dream?
Because when she has flashbacks later, there’s a big old alien monster between her legs.
Anyway, the woman is pregnant, starts looking like she’s possessed, and runs around killing her fellow scientists in various gory ways—and eating parts of them as well.
As good as it sounds, a majority of the film is repetitive cat & mouse chase scenes drenched in awesome red horror lighting. The money shot, of course, is the birth scene…and the cute little alien baby….
RADIOACTIVE DREAMS (1985)
It is a travesty that Radioactive Dreams hasn’t gotten a notable DVD or Blu-ray release. This is the epitome of 80s cult weirdness, featuring a post-atomic war society loaded with new wave music provided predominantly by Sue Saad of “Looker” fame. Sue rox—and gets a whole musical performance in the movie. Even so, one of my favorite tracks from the movie, which is perfect for a Halloween playlist, is “Nightmare” by Jill Jaxx.
The film stars John Stockwell of Christine and “American Ninja” Michael Dudikoff as Phillip Chandler and Marlowe Hammer (get it?).
As little boys before the war in 1996, they were locked in a bunker by their fathers. They finally break out in 2010 and have to face off against zombie-like mutants, killer kids in Saturday Night Fever suits (who are known as the “disco mutants”), and Mad Max-like punk rocker bikers.
They also tangle with some shady chicks—Lisa Blount (Dead and Buried, Prince of Darkness) and Michele Little (My Demon Lover)—which leads to them coming in possession of keys that many would kill to have because they operate one remaining nuclear weapon.
The bulk of the film takes place in a new wave club (as always, in the 1980s, the soundtrack of post-apocalyptic existence is new wave and punk rock). It is here that a cannibal dude ties John Stockwell down, feels up his crotch, and then takes a taste of his lower abs.
Meanwhile, Michael Dudikoff comes face to face with a huge mutant snake that pops out of a hole in the basement. And finally, there’s a shocking reveal, a huge shootout for the keys, and a song and dance finale.
WTF…in a good way.
DANGEROUSLY CLOSE (1986)
Tuff Turf meets Class of 1984 in this weird film loaded with familiar 80s faces. There’s Michelle Pfeiffer’s sis Dede, John Stockwell once again (he actually co-wrote this film), Thom Matthews and Miguel A Núñez Jr. of Return of the Living Dead, and even Robert Rusler of Elm Street 2 in a flashback scene.
The opening definitely grabs your attention. A kid is chased through foggy swamps at night by a bunch of figures wearing raincoats and masks and carrying weapons.
Turns out an elitist “gang” in the local high school is targeting “undesirables.”
But the cute school newspaper editor is on to them, so he puts together his own motley crew to keep an eye on them. While there are a handful of fights between the rivals, the movie never lives up to that opening kill scene.
The final confrontation between the cute newspaper kid and the gang makes for some okay thrills at the end, plus the soundtrack is hot, including tracks by The Smithereens, TSOL, The Lords of the New Church, Robert Palmer, Depeche Mode, and Fine Young Cannibals.