Ever since the zombie genre came crawling back out of its grave in the 2000s, zombie flix seem to come out on DVD by the dozens. So why not just toss a bunch of quickies into one blog?
BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT (2001)
It looks like just another direct-to-VHS movie from the 80s—and like you’re watching it on VHS. It’s loaded with rock music and there are actually a handful of cool looking biker zombies who don’t get all that much screen time.
Biker Zombies from Detroit is the story of a young teen who moves to a new town, falls for the local girl, and manages to piss off his jealous neighbor and his buddies. So they fight at a club, he gets kicked out, gets chased by the other guys on his bike—and gets killed by the zombie bikers! Actually, he becomes a biker zombie.
Just when the neighbor is harassing his girlfriend, you think biker zombie boyfriend has come back from the dead to save her. He drives by, kills the neighbor by sticking a tailpipe up his ass (not kidding—just look at the pic).
But then…he kills his girlfriend! Oh. And while he’s at it, his mother runs out of the house and he throws her in front of a moving cop car! Not quite a zombie love story.
And that’s pretty much the whole movie.
PORN STAR ZOMBIES (2009)
Think Orgazmo with zombies and you’ve got Porn Star Zombies. It only runs 55 minutes long and is more like a no-budget short film you’d watch on YouTube…and give a like…and share on Facebook. It totally plays to the most basic love of trashy humor.
Filmed in black and white and featuring porn zombies that simply have black raccoon eye makeup, it’s the story of this cute guy (appearing shirtless in the first scene) who goes to work on a porn set, pretending he’s gay because the director only likes to hire gay dudes behind the scenes. The cute guy brings his horny friend with him and together, they make a great comedy team.
There’s also a gay porn actor going straight for pay, and a drag queen porn star with a girlfriend. Porn Star Zombies has it all. The banter is perverted and sexually extreme but the nudity is standard—boobs, ass, and penis. Plus there’s plenty of gross out dialogue and visual gags.
If you love adolescent sex humor, you will definitely get into this goofy flick. It’s a great one for parties.
HIDE AND CREEP (2004)
Hide and Creep is an okay indie zombedy. It starts off slapstick and strong, but begins to drag as it progresses.
In a rural town, there’s a rumor of an alien spaceship and zombies. Of course, it turns out to be true! So a bunch of hicks, a geeky video store clerk, and a dude who spends much of the movie completely naked (you see everything) have to fend off the undead.
There’s plenty of low-budget gore and campy zombie killing, plus some humor that will definitely give you a giggle. The naked guy even gets an offer for a BJ from a dude in a pickup truck and the rednecks make a “Thank God for the Second Amendment” joke when they get ready to go shoot up some zombies. And, of course, a little religion is thrown in since this is a redneck horror comedy.
You might get some enjoyment watching Hide and Creep, but you probably won’t remember a thing about it a few weeks later.
BUNKER OF BLOOD (2011)
When a director wants to make a movie so bad, sometimes he’ll make it at any cost—or rather, no cost. At least, that’s what it seems like when it comes to Bunker of Blood. It looks like its shot on video with a whole lot of green screen and simple video effects software.
The budget might be small, but the plot is big. The Far East has really dicked us over, and the earth is pretty much about to be toast, so the president is whisked away to a secret bunker.
But this isn’t about the president. It’s about all the burly military men expected to protect him. They fight each other. One gets killed. He comes back to life, talks all demonic, and does some flesh nibbling.
A couple more characters do the same thing as the movie progresses, until eventually a story is told about troops in Croatia protecting citizens who believed the dead had come back. There’s a lot of talk of demons, vampires, and zombies.
Eventually we find out it is one particular demon that looks pretty cool and can shape shift. So Bunker of Blood really isn’t a zombie movie. It’s not exactly Night of the Demons either. If the characters had at least turned into freaky demons it could have made this movie fun in a cheesy way. But instead, it’s just a very bland film more focused on war talk than it is with a horror story.
THE CHOSEN ONE (2009)
The Chosen One is a black and white flick that opens with a zombie moseying through the countryside, giving it an old school Night of the Living Dead feel. But it immediately goes into confusing territory. There’s a couple. She looks like Bette Davis in Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte. He looks like the Wolfman. They’re into the occult. The zombie breaks into their house.
There’s also this bizarre doctor who helps the young man deliver his baby. The mother dies in the process, the baby comes out a vampire, and the doctor raises it, determined to understand the concept of immortality. And the faithful plan to stop his evil practice.
This is a low-budget art film that’s high on style and substance but absolutely failed to keep me entertained.
ZOMBIE DEAREST (2009)
It’s a one-zombie zombedy! In Zombie Dearest, a failing comedian blows it with his lady so she runs off to a family house in the country to be alone. But he follows her there. She agrees he can stay…if he fixes up the house.
He unknowingly digs up a body in their yard and wishes (while accidentally touching its crotch) for someone to do his work. The body comes to life as a zombie to do his bidding. Talk about a wishbone!
Not much actually happens in the film. He tries to keep his zombie bitch a secret for a while, but his lady finds out about it. Then it bites him when it tries to barge in while they’re having sex. His lady wants to get rid of it.
And of course, eventually, our leading man turns into a zombie and goes after his lady. And she figures, if he wished a zombie to life by touching its penis, she can get a little said action and a wish granted as well!
Zombie Dearest is “cute,” but it doesn’t try hard enough to be funny or exciting. It kind of just drags its feet. You know. Sort of like a lone zombie….
GANGSTERS, GUNS & ZOMBIES (2012)
The UK deserves an award for putting out the best zombedies. Gangsters, Guns & Zombies is quirky, funny, and loaded with machismo, the movie is like part Guy Ritchie, part Tarantino (I lost count of the number of upshots of the cast looking down at the camera with attitude).
A group of guys decides to rob a bank…just as the zombie outbreak begins. They think it’s the perfect distraction for them to do a job uninterrupted. They underestimate the zombies. The opening scene alone, as the guys are escaping in the getaway van, offers a montage of zombie fun: a groom killing his zombie bride, a naked zombie running by, a zombie clown horde, and more.
The first part of the film features the guys on their road trip to a safe house, with much of the zombie action occurring with irrelevant characters they drive past on the road. So the film drags a bit and doesn’t deliver much excitement for quite a while. But once they have to contend with the threat within their ranks, the zombie action takes off.
The pacing is quick, there’s plenty of smart humor and zombie action, and the cast is totally likeable. Plus, leading man Vincent Jerome is so sexy, and mega hunk Charlie Rawes isn’t only the muscle of the group (his character name is Muscles), he also delivers some great, subtle humor.
And wait until you find out what SHIT stands for during a zombie apocalypse. Gangsters, Guns & Zombie is a must-see for fans of zombie comedies.